En läxa att lära sig av

[Jomf]

Japp, då har jag skrivit klart en snabb summerad och relativt kortfattad text. Jag har skrivit hundratals teorier om allt möjligt. Detta är en av mina korta "first drafts".

Jag skrev detta på engelska eftersom det är språket jag läser och använder mest. Den är längre än vad ni kanske är vana vid på det här forumet, men jag hoppas att någon orkar läsa sig igenom hela och ge mig konstruktiv feedback.

Varning: Detta är INTE för den oseriösa.


The quest for the meaning of life

The Plan
I have taken it upon myself after my university studies, to undergo what people would consider “soul search” “finding yourself” “Take time, figure things out”. I decided to do this without any distractions. What does this mean?
It means my only contact with the outside world is my computer which main purpose is to gather knowledge and research. I haven’t put on a shoe for two and a half years. I haven’t spoken to a person within that time either. I have no friends, no obligations; voluntary isolation.

Why?
I have a requirement to know things, to make sense of what affects me, on every level and aspect. Through research, logic and math but mostly philosophy, how do you make sense of the world? Some choose god, other choose ignorance, and it’s all individual. Me? I am looking for the answer rather than accepting odds to be even.

Who am I?
Since childhood, I’ve been able to detect details and exploit them to my advantage. I am the outsider puppeteer able to manipulate people in my surroundings to jump through hoops, gaining their trust and love. Competition was disappointing as it was always mediocre and linear. I am a direct person who lacks the appreciation of bullshit. Irrelevant adjectives and rarely used synonyms used by authors to mask their own lack of intelligence disgusts me. I like to keep it simple, as nobody gains anything from a confusing poorly written pathetic attempt of a thought.

The beginning of, my world
The world is false and so are you. Everything is built on simple logic and theories gathered from great thinkers of our time. This is also false.
The theory of relativity has so far only been viewed in simplistic way, at its best.
Assuming theories like Einstein’s theory of relativity, logic and math are true; the reality we live in doesn’t exist as we think it does. If assuming something as simple as the universe is endless, that means that if we get into a space shuttle and launch off out to the universe, you will never reach an end, you will travel forever. Then if there is no end to the sky, there can’t be an end to the ground. The ground in this case, is matter, we will never find the “core” of matter, and you will be splitting atoms indefinitely.
To avoid getting into a discussion which, if this theory is correct, can never be proven, thus being an irrelevant one, we’ll simply stop here.

Alone in the world
Are you alone in the world? No, because you don’t exist in the way you think you do. You are in my world and you will do whatever I decide. Why?
Because, if the first theory is correct, nothing actually exists therefore YOU cannot exist. One thing I know though is that I exist. I am not sure if my arms are real, if I am actually walking with my legs or interacting with anything, or am I simply living within my own mind? Doesn’t it make more sense that you are the constant creator of the world, even religion hints upon it, “God is within us all”; I am god. I am your savior and executioner, I am everything. In the end, nothing is relevant except for what you think; it won’t matter if you are hated by the entire world, as long as you know what’s right. After all, if the theory is correct, you are everything. This would of course raise certain questions as to why you hate yourself.
Dreams
Would then make sense, it has been said within psychology that you are everybody in your dream, and your dream is created by you in a form of uncontrolled consciousness. I’ll tell you, there are dreams I’ve had that I could have sworn were real. Maybe they are just as real, as reality. What if dreams are as simple as an unedited shortcut movie of life?

Closing one door opens another
Which isn’t the case, I am not closing it. I am merely leaving it half way open. We choose not to believe in such theories as they simply don’t fit in our world, it doesn’t follow the rules we have created, so we choose to continue living in this world, caring little for what is actual truth. If we didn’t, we might as well lay down in front of a train. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Religion
What is the meaning of life? After studying several religions and simply, living life as I know it, I’ve tried finding an explanation that I feel is right. It does not come with a stereotypical God in the sky where dead people live which sounds like something taken out of a fairy tale (For all we know, that may actually be the case).
There are simply too many religions with many versions, some being very similar to each other and others completely insane. Something the religions I’m aware of have in common, is they are wrong, and it fails in every way I know is true. I believe logic is true, others believe in god. God cannot be proven or explained, logic can. How does god triumph proof?
Doesn’t that make a country which has formed their law around religion, hypocritical? “Sure, you may have found my prints on the gun, a video tape of me shooting the guy and blood and brain gunk all over my clothes. But as I swore an oath to god to tell the truth: It is the work of god, I am innocent”. After all, Jesus parted the sea, which sounds more unlikely than this seemingly guilty suspect, being innocent.
People have their reasons. Who knows what motivates them to do the things they do. I’m sure they make sense of it in their own mind, but because they aren’t as smart as a rocket scientist, it doesn’t make the rocket they send is any more divine, as the deaths of innocent children it harvests on impact.

The simple explanation is often the right one
People can’t unite and believe the same thing; they are so sure they are right, that they are willing to die for it, or even worse, to kill for it. What if you don’t live in the same world and everybody is correct?
In Ancient Egyptian beliefs, life is only a time used for preparing you for what is to come. If the world is endless, this surely makes sense, there has to be something greater than what we “know”. You already know you will not live forever as you have decided in your own mind.

If it’s true
There are simple things people takes for granted or lack to notice, for example, the awareness of “Cause and effect”, “Motive and reasoning”. If it’s true, everything we do has a cause and effect, everything we do has a motive.
Everything that exists as I know it is there because I choose to on whatever level of consciousness. If my will is to discover this truth, I would leave clues for myself to find. Take something as death, why does it exist, to appreciate life?
Not sure that would be something I would do. I feel life is important, but not for me. I would jump in front of a speeding bullet to save anybody with a future. I am not afraid of dying, I’m actually more interested in what’s in store for me, but I will savor life as long as I can.
What sense does it then make, that I would sacrifice my life to save anybody? How does that align with the reason as to why death exists?
It doesn’t, therefore I am confident it will continue. Not quite like anything we might expect or even imagine. Forget three dimensions, forget vision, smell and hearing. Hell, forget physics all together. What kind of world would that be? Aren’t you interested to find out?

So how do I live?
It’s quite funny, how balance works. What others spend their entire life worrying about while actually living them, to feel certain emotions they’d rather not have. I don’t, I have found my serenity. It comes in a form I’ve never thought existed, it’s not a feeling, and I can’t explain it. It’s just there.
Unfortunately due to cause and effect, I cannot live a life. Being isolated for 2½ years doesn’t exactly help you enter the world. I have figured out everything I want and come to peace with myself. I am now ready to go outside and do whatever I want, to appreciate the pleasant and lovely things life has to offer, even something as simple as watching the stars, to be able to walk down the street, to talk to a person, to shake their hand and smile. I am ready, unfortunately, I can’t.

Result
People are working to accept death as a fact, to stop worrying. There are plenty of information and help to be had in that area. Ironically, while conquering the fear of death, I’ve gained the fear of life.

What do I do now?

[Ling]

Detta har jag funderat över, ofta och mycket. Men i slutändan undrar jag alltid, till vilken nytta? Varför spendera så mycket tid att klura ut vad meningen är, vilken nytta har jag, när man kanske till slut inte vågar leva. Såvida man inte tror att det kanske fortsätter, men det vet man ju inte, ska man chansa då och kanske se tillbaka och inse att, jaha, det var det.
Hinner inte utveckla mer i skrivande stund, tittar tillbaka senare.